ArashiNino2

  Baystorm [2009.09.20] 二宮和也

Hi Minna, we present to you Nino's Baystorm 2009.09.20 with translations.

N: “Don’t you think I lost weight?”
BayStorm with Arashi, featuring Kazunari Ninomiya!

N: Good evening, this is Kazunari Ninomiya from Arashi. Tonight’s opening thought comes from radio pen name Chan-Nino no chan-kaa seitaya-san (*Did Nino-chan’s mom lose weight?): “My mom finally caught onto the Billy’s Boot Camp hype and now, she sweats for an hour everyday watching the DVD. After her workout, she always asks me, ‘Hey, did I lose weight? I did, didn’t I?’ I think using a scale would be simpler than asking me for reassurance, but I end up telling her that she has lost weight. This reminds me that you had once mentioned in a fan club newsletter that your mom took up aerobics but won’t lose weight. How did that turn out?” … There’s no way she’s lose weight. If she did lose weight, then it has nothing to do with aerobics. If someone who does aerobics can’t lose weight, then someone who suddenly loses weight after they quit got no help from aerobics, right?

S: Oh, I see what you mean.

N: Or… well, it’s not like I told her to take aerobics class and forced her to attend. If she decided to start willingly, then she wouldn’t slack off, would she? She really can’t lose weight. Does she want to lose weight?

S: It’s good for your health.

N: True. But sticking it out with Billy for an hour is pretty impressive. I don’t think I could do it. I’m not good at those. I get lost even while I’m doing the exercises. Billy’s Boot Camp sold a ton. Everyone was doing it, no?

S: Everyone was.

N: But the commander… got married to a Japanese person, right?

S: Really?

N: Mm-hmm.

S: Is that right?

N: Yeah, so they’re probably in Japan.

S: Oh?

N: But they were on TV the other day. Was it Waratte Iitomo? (*lunchtime variety/news show) They were on some show like that, and there they were exercising again. Anyway, if you have any opening thoughts for me to shout, please send us your detailed stories. This is Kazunari Ninomiya’s BayStorm with tonight’s opening number. This is Arashi-san’s “Beautiful days”
[♪ Arashi – “Beautiful days”]
N: That was Arashi-san’s “Beautiful days”. This is Arashi’s Kazunari Ninomiya bringing you BayStorm. Let’s go onto our next segment:

S: Aaa~h, aaah! Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully!

N: Aaa~h! So it seems this recording of you is still the old one.

S: Let’s renew it.

N: But according to Shinigami (*director), the ones you recorded the other day aren’t funny at all.

S: I see.

N: It’s pretty rare, isn’t it, to not be funny at all?

S: That’s true.

N: These days, even if a joke bombs, something about it makes it funny, at least that’s the flow of things. To bomb and still not be funny…

S: That’s the worst.

N: Yeah. You’re jokes are like the wind.

S: The wind! [laugh]

N: Seriously.

S: I’m the wind.

N: They just breeze on by.

S: I see.

N: So what style do you want to do?

S: What would be nice?

N: Well, the segment name is “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully”, so…

S: So something like, “There, there, there, there…”?

N: That’s what makes sense. But what kind of style do you want to do?

S: What kind of style? Shall we request some ideas from our listeners?

N: Whaaat?!

S: [laugh]

N: Do you really think you’re going to get any responses? You’re not Okusu-san; you won’t get any mail.

S: I know, right?

N: You might get three.

S: No, they won’t send me anything.

N: Then, okay, okay, how about in the style of Abunai Deka? (*a TV series following the story of two unskilled policemen)

S: “In the style of Abunai Deka”?

N: Yeah, choose whichever you please, between Taka and Yuji. (*names of the two policemen) I’ll even give you a choice.

S: Right, in the style of Abunai Deka.

N: A la Abunai Deka, as if the sirens were going off. That’s the idea you want to capture to open this segment.

S: Okay, okay, okay, okay. I gotcha, but hm…

N: Let’s have you do as many takes as you see fit, until you’re satisfied.

S: [laugh]

N: [laugh] And I’ll just… be playing some DraQue (*abbreviation for Dragon Quest), so let me know when you’re done…

S: Ah, understood.

N: Could you say the line?

S: Oh, then you just relax and play your DraQue.

N: Okay.

S: Um… oh, so where do I start?

N: …

S: There are sirens going off, right?

N: …

S: This is difficult. [laugh]

N: Ah, no that’s good.

S: Okay.

N: Keep at that thought. It’s good to visualize the idea first. Pretend you’ve got a pistol at the ready.

S: “Let’s Settle This Peacefully!”

N: [laugh] You forgot the “Please”. [laugh] You’ve gone and changed the title of this segment. But that wasn’t bad.

S: Really? Really?

N: Very good.

S: “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully! Aaa~h, aaah!” [laugh]

N: [laugh] That’s impressive, to stand firm behind the “aaa~h, aaah”.

S: [laugh] Yes.

N: How about…

S: Yes?

N: More austerely.

S: Oh, austerely?

N: Yeah.

S: Understood.

N: Right.

S: In a s-s-stern way?

N: Yeah.

S: Okay. [lowers voice] “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully.”

N: [laugh]

S: This is really embarrassing doing this by myself.

N: Okay, now, how about one where you’re about to shoot unless the bad guy gets down on the ground? So you’re probably yelling or something.

S: What was it again? Oh, “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully”, right.

N: [laugh]

S: “Please! Let’s Settle This Peacefully!”

N: Okay, next style. That’s enough of the Abunai Deka series.

S: Okay.

N: How about in the style of Enari-kun? (*full name Enari Kazuki, Japanese actor known for his artlessness)

S: What?!

N: Wataru Seken wa… (*full title Wataru Seken wa Oni Bakari, a long-running TV drama series in which Enari Kazuki stars)

S: [laugh]

N: Oni Bakari, the actor who is a part of that drama series…

S: Enari-sama.

N: Yeah, a la Enari-sama. You can go with an impersonation if you must.

S: An impersonation?

N: “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully” sounds like something Enari-kun would say.

S: That’s true.

N: Okay, let’s try that.

S: Right. Three, two, one, zero: “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully.”

N: Wh…

S: This is difficult.

N: Were you pulling something out of your… Wait, what? That was Enari-kun? Out of curiosity, was that an impersonation, or…?

S: That was a rough impersonation.

N: No.

S: No?

N: That’s not right.

S: Take 2! This is hard.

N: Wait, then, then… Izumi… (*full name Izumi Pinko, a big-name actress who is also part of Wataru Seken wa Oni Bakari)

S: [laugh]

N: What?

S: That’s... um…

N: Want to try in the style of Hashida-sensei, then? (*full name Hashida Sugako, the scriptwriter for Wataru Seken wa Oni Bakari; “sensei” here does not mean ‘teacher’, but rather, denotes respect)

S: Uh… that’s um… let’s not go there.

N: Fine, then Enari-kun.

S: [laugh]

N: How about a shouting Enari-kun?

S: Shouting?

N: Yes.

S: Here I go.

N: Okay.

S: [high-pitched voice] “Please, Let’s Settle This Peacefully!”

N: Anyway.

S: Right.

N: Which one will be used? That hurt my ears just now. [laugh] Let’s look forward to seeing which one they use.

S: Yes.

N: We even included the Abunai Deka series.

S: The series.

N: We did a fair amount of takes.

S: We did.

N: Right? I’m starting now.

S: Okay.

N: Since you took so much time.

S: I’m sorry.

N: This is by radio pen name Yoroshiku boy-san: “When we went to the zoo, my two-year-old daughter got super-excited and walked up towards the animal cage with a snack. I shouted, ‘Wait! Don’t give your snack to the monkeys!’ as I chased after her, only to find that there were no monkeys, but a zookeeper cleaning their cage. I’ve never seen such awkward-looking animal at a zoo in my life. Zookeeper, I’m sorry.” Two-year-olds have no idea what they’re doing, not that I remember anything from when I was two or anything. It’s fun being able to walk. Zoos are fun, but this Yoroshiku boy-san is 33 years old. When you go to the zoo at that age, everything’s realistic, isn’t it? The way the giraffe is eating, how the gorillas are sleeping, the way an elephant uses its nose to eat an apple… everything is so realistic. Why is it that when you become an adult, a giraffe-san ceases to be giraffe-san? (*in Japanese, children generally identify zoo animals by adding a “-san” at the end) When does this change happen? When does a giraffe-san stop being giraffe-san?

S: Ah, that’s true, isn’t it?

N: When does an elephant-san stop being elephant-san?

S: I see.

N: “I see”?

S: [laugh]

N: What?

S: No, no, no… I agree.

N: When does it change? I don’t view pandas as black-and-white things now. They’ve got intense eyes, those panda sempai. (* “sempai” means ‘senior’, someone superior than you are) Right? When does this change? They’re way too realistic now. This is by radio pen name Mainichi Mario hashirasete masu (I make Mario run every day): “The other day, two of my friends and I, the three of us, visited a friend’s house all of a sudden and lied, ‘You promised, remember?’ and forced ourselves in. As we hung out, I started to feel guilty but was unable to tell her that day. She still feels bad, asking, ‘Did I promise you guys?’ It’s been a while, but should I apologize for this?” Wow, this friend of hers. She should really be careful. She’ll probably get tricked by those “ore-ore” frauds. (*meaning “It’s me, it’s me,” these frauds are phone calls made to older parents by people who pretend to be their child in need of money) You’d probably get tricked, too.

S: I think so, too.

N: You’d definitely get tricked, STBY.

S: Yes.

N: I bet you’d believe it even if I made the phone call.

S: I think so, too.

N: Even if someone close to you did this, you’d probably fall for it. If your wife was like, “It’s me, it’s me.”

S: Ah, yeah, I’d probably fall for it.

N: How scary. This friend should be careful, too.

S: That’s right, please be careful.

N: But this is okay. I don’t think you need to apologize if you all got to hang out. Right? This isn’t anything to worry about. I didn’t have any friends, so I’d actually welcome something like this with open arms. That’s great, hanging out with everyone. Sounds fun. Well, that’s all for tonight, but if you have any stories for which you’d like to apologize, do send in your letters to this segment. Let’s take a listen now. This is Arashi-san’s “Kaze no Mukou e”.
[♪ Arashi – “Kaze no Mukou e”]
N: That was Arashi-san’s “Kaze no Mukou e”. This is Arashi’s Kazunari Ninomiya bringing you BayStorm. Let’s continue onto this segment: Ura Arashi! (*Arashi secrets!) Let’s start with this person, radio pen name Clarinet de kura-kura-san: “Recently, I catch myself thinking that the drawings on the blackboards on Arashi no Shukudai-kun are drawn well. What do you think, Nino? Also, who draws on them?” Really? I thought it’s been drawn well since the beginning.

S: I thought so, too. Very nicely done.

N: …

S: Uh-oh.

N: Uh-oh.

S: Was that not my cue to speak? No?

N: No, no, that’s fine.

S: Oh, it is?

N: But you didn’t need to throw in your two cents for that.

S: Oh, I see.

N: Yeah… you always butt in all of a sudden.

S: Apologies.

N: [laugh] Recently? It’s recently become well-drawn? Really? The assistant director draws on the blackboards. It’s quite artistic, isn’t it? They want to become a manga artist.

S: Really?

N: So I’ve told the AD (*assistant director) to just quit, to go study and acquire skills for becoming a manga artist. They’re still with us. But the drawings have always been nicely done. If you take a look at past episodes, you’ll probably notice. But wow, how observant. Next is by radio pen name Megane Nino-san love (*I love Nino-san with glasses): “I had grown weary of studying for admissions tests, so I’ve been watching Arashi’s PVs and concert DVDs. It amazes me to see that you can play so many instruments. Are there any other instruments you can play besides piano? I am a percussionist; are you interested in percussion instruments? Let me know.”

N: Well, if you’re just asking for the basics, I can play guitar, bass, drums, and piano. If you can play guitar, bass, and drums, you can make a demo CD, at least. That makes things simple, to be able to play those instruments. I wanted to be in a band so that’s why I kept at the guitar. But like I said earlier, I had no friends so I resorted to game consoles. It’s somewhat of a miracle, in a way. If I had found some people with whom to form a band back then, I would probably be leading a completely different life right now. It’s such a wonder, really. I picked up the drums when I was twenty years old? I learned the bass guitar first, at fifteen or sixteen. Then at sixteen or seventeen, I picked up the guitar, and at twenty or so, I learned the drums

N: But I can’t really play the drums, actually. I only know what I know. The bass drum parts would always be to a metronome. [taps desk, *tap, tap, tap, tap, ra-tat-tat-tat*] I’d repeat that. The snare drum… so the snare would join [taps desk, *tap, tap, tat-tat-tat, tap, tap, tat-tat-tat*], and repeat. Then, I’d just tap the cymbals like this [taps desk, *tap, tap, tap*]. Then the crash and ride cymbals… I’d hit those for the crashes, and maybe some [taps desk, *tat-tat-tat*] of those. I’d incorporate the toms, too. This conversation probably makes no sense for someone who knows nothing about drums. Do you get it?

S: No. I got the cymbals part.

N: What instruments do you play?

S: I don’t play any.

N: Then what about during school music festivals? You know, at those festivals during elementary school, or what do you call those… recitals?

S: Oh…

N: There were things like that, right?

S: I played the tambourine.

N: Oh, it wasn’t the recorder? You played tambourine? It got pretty crazy with those people who played the marimbas or vibraphones.

S: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

N: Why was that? I haven’t met a marimba player at all these days. But there’s always someone who can play the piano. Next is by radio pen name Chizu no kazu ga oosugi-san (*There are too many maps): “When I was in middle school, I took a bath thinking that during primitive ages, people didn’t use shampoo to wash their hair. So I decided to challenge myself to washing my hair with just warm water. The result? My scalp was so itchy that this attempt lasted a mere three days. Have you tried something knowing that it makes no sense?” … Can I say it?

S: Go for it.

N: Yeah?

S: Sure.

N: Never.

S: Never?

N: No. But you seem like a person who would do absurd things, STBY.

S: No, no, that’s not true. I’m normal, I’m normal.

N: It’s not like I said that doing absurd things make you an abnormal person.

S: Oh, right. You’re right.

N: It could be that being “normal” makes you abnormal.

S: Me?

N: Yeah.

S: That’s quite possible.

N: [laugh]

S: [laugh]

N: Why are you so difficult to converse with? We’ve been together for so long and I still don’t understand you. Isn’t there something you can find at a bookstore? [laugh] Some kind of manual for STBY?

S: [laugh] No.

N: I’d love to buy a copy, really.

S: I know, right?

N: Coping methods or something. So have you experienced something like this?

S: I don’t usually remember these things. But this person did.

N: Well, since she decided to do it herself. But I don’t know… there aren’t many things I can think of, things like these. What a trooper, really. Next. This is by radio pen name Ootamu na Kazu-chan: “How is BayStorm recorded? If you could let me know what the studio looks like, how much mail you get per week… that’d be nice.” [reads script] We get thousands of letters each week.

S: Hm…

N: We get them by the thousands? Wow~!

S: Impressive.

N: Wow, seriously.

S: What a blessing.

N: Mm-hmm. That means that many are listening to this show. I didn’t know that many were tuning in. I thought the number of listeners was more like twenty-six.

S: Such a small number!

N: [laugh]

S: [laugh]

N: We receive them by the thousands.

S: Yeah, that’s great.

N: Of those… what? Of those, about 800 of them are complaints toward STBY. That’s what it says right here.

S: I see! That’s most of them.

N: 80%... well, they wouldn’t send complaints if they didn’t have high expectations of you.

S: I see.

N: Like, “You used to be funnier.” Do you have a favorite joke these days?

S: Oh, are we heading that direction? My jokes?

N: Which direction would you go, then? Let me ask you. [laugh] Take the wheel, then.

S: I can’t go in any direction.

N: [laugh]

S: [laugh]

N: Forget it then, geez. We’re always looking for questions regarding Arashi or me, so do send them in to the Ura Arashi segment. Do take a listen now. This is Arashi-san’s “Believe”.
[♪ Arashi – “Believe”]
N: That was Arashi-san’s “Believe”. Right! Tonight’s winner is radio pen name Chizu no kazu ga oosugi-san, who will receive Yamazaki-san. The radio pen name winner is Yoroshiku boy-san, who will receive Sakana-kun. Please treasure them. We’re always looking forward to your e-mails. You can access us at bayfm.co.jp by clicking on “BayStorm”. From your cell phones, go to our homepage and search for “BayStorm” from the show list. Time’s just about up. Let’s have you announce the prize (from last week).

S: Ah, yes. Here’s the prize! There.

N: What is this?

S: Well, this… you know… it’s my favorite pencil that I’ve been using forever.

N: Right, let’s go with something else.

S: What? Something else?

N: …

S: What?

N: What? Okay, then can I pull something out of the bag?

S: Oh, sure.

N: [rustling noises] Just for reference…

S: Yes?

N: What do you not want me to draw?

S: What do I not want you to draw?

N: Yeah.

S: The eraser.

N: The eraser, huh? The eraser. I won’t draw that, then. I mean, you could just buy that.

S: Oh! [laugh]

N: What’s this… a mechanical pencil.

S: A mechanical pencil… will that suffice?

N: Will we get any mail henceforth, announcing that the prize is a mechanical pencil?

S: Hm, I don’t think so.

N: Yeah. Okay, then this, and…

S: Right. Shall we tack on that prize from “Everything”?

N: You know… you’re just becoming a tool, STBY. You’re the go-to person if anyone wants Arashi goods. You’re just a tool. Let’s not go with Arashi goods. Something from your home… you have a Playstation 3, don’t you?

S: No, no… I don’t own any games.

N: You’re lying. You don’t have a Playstation 3?

S: No, no.

N: What do you have, then? The most expensive thing in your home.

S: A TV.

N: A flat-screen TV, then!

S: I don’t have one. Mine’s a box.

N: What?

S: I have a PSP… the screen is broken, though.

N: Wow, how do you play on that? Okay, then come up with something.

S: Yes, just this prize alone seems a bit plain, so… I’ll definitely…

N: Yeah, you say that, but mechanical pencils… if it’s not from someone I love, it doesn’t make me happy at all. If it was a gift from someone I loved…

S: That’s true.

N: I could say, “Wow… my sempai’s mechanical pencil!” But getting some random mechanical pencil from an old man I don’t even know?

S: Right, that’s… mm-hmm.

N: They’ll receive it and go, “…what?”

S: They won’t be happy.

N: Right? They won’t be happy getting this.

S: They won’t.

N: Getting a mechanical pencil from an old man they don’t even know.

S: [laugh]

N: Right?

S: You’re right.

N: See, I knew it.

S: Then okay… I’ll tack on an extra something.

N: Mm-hmm, please. Think about what that’ll be. Your radio partner was Ninomiya Kazunari from Arashi. See you next week!